Growing up | feeling depress and having depression are 2 different thing ( my rant )

"Nothing last forever , nothing stays the same" a lyrics that somehow remind me of life . In life , nothing really last . Yeah people may tell me there's things that last like love , but still , we're all gonna die someday . Nothing is forever . This isn't a fairy tail , this isn't a Disney movie . This is freaking real life , where death , backstabbings , gossipings , left out , not good enough , comparing happens almost every single day to every single one . 

It's weird how when we're young , we wish to grow up as soon as possible , we have so many false imagination about the grown up world . And when we finally grow up , we wish we could rewind the time back when we are still kids , running around , playing days and nights without caring . We would wear our pajamas out to the park not caring about people judging . But now , it's all impossible . People start judging you for almost everything you do , right or wrong . It just seems that you can never make anyone happy , you can never do anything right . And soon , start to push people off . Because being alone sometimes is better . You don't have to make anyone happy except yourself . But then sometimes you will feel really lonely. 

School used to be fun , and I love going school , and I don't know when it started when school begin to be a drag , I would start giving tons and tons of excuses just so I won't have to go to school . I stopped making friends , I start to became really quiet . And slowly , my smile just faded away . 

I don't hate school , I don't hate the people in it . I just don't understand why and how . 

It just seems that , when we grow up , our happiness would decrease too somehow . 

I miss being a kid . Really .

And something that some types of people have to realize that feeling depressed and having depression is a totally different thing . We all feel depress at certain time , certain part of our life . But we get over it the next day or the week after . But having depression would take months or even years to get over . Don't claim that you're having depression when you're just crying at night cause of some heartbreaks or something . You're not having depression , you're just feeling depressed at that moment . And if you cut and post it on Instagram / twitter saying that "I cut myself" , sorry to say but I find that attention seeking . People who really cuts tends to find lots and lots of ways to hide their scars , they won't take a photo of their scars and post it on Instagram , twitter or Facebook . Some might not wear long sleeve shirt all the times , but you would notice that they hardly raise up that certain hand / arm . Cutting isn't for attention . Stop claiming that people cut just for the attention . Maybe for some , yes they are doing this just for the attention , but this is not the case for the majority . Did I spell that right ? 

But yeah . Stop claiming that you "have depression" when you're just sad at night . 

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how i style my clothes !

hey :) , so as a girl myself ( obviously ) , i'm kinda a shopaholic , especially when it come to online shopping . and so recently i got myself a new top , it's basically just a black strap top , i got it for $6 on a apps call carousell , If you haven't download it , or you don't know what it is about , it's basically just a singapore shopping apps where everyone can sell their stuff there and people would buy it .

Well,  it's still the holiday for me and i decided , why not i try to style the new top that i got and my favorite outfit too ?

( Note : Before we get started , this is basically just my style , and how i would wear my clothes . If you find it weird , just take note , I'm not some fashion expert or something . It's just , my style . )

So this is a really simple casual look , a black strip top , with a long straps pants . I accessories it with my favorite star necklaces so it wouldn't look plain . 

when would i wear this outfit : outing with friends .

And basically , this is how i would really wear every time i go out . 

It's basically the black strip top paired with a demi outer wear , demi short and a gold necklaces/

when would i wear this outfit : town .

And lastly , this is what i called the " feminine style" Cute , sweet and girly . I wouldn't wear this style unless i have to .

It's basically the black strip top paired with black floral skirts and a grey cardigans . And a superman necklaces too . 

when would i wear this outfit : Movie , wedding dinner . 

Alright , next is my favorite outfit ! 

Tadah , the " what the lohyehmohyeh" shirt ! trust me , i wear this almost every 3 days . i wear it to gym , i wear this when i go for pennyboarding , i wear it when i go shopping , this is just really comfortable . And it's dry fit so i could wear it when i'm exercising too ! But of course when i'm at the gym , i won't wear jeans . That's common sense . 

Alright , so we basically reached the end of this post . thanks for reading , and if you would like to stalk me after reading this post , click on the icons at the right .

Thanks for reading :) 

                              

Love

Love , a really complicated feelings / emotions . it could make you feel that you're the luckiest person on the universe , but it could make you feel like dying at the same time too . 

It's never perfect , love in reality are always different from what we expected . Drama often make us go "I wish my boyfriend / girlfriend would do this to me" or maybe it could even start a fight . I have nothing against drama , I love watching dramas , especially Taiwan drama . But I just don't get why some drama would take forever to end. Like they have 100+ episodes . 

Well , Being able to have your crush to love you back / have a crush on you too is the sweetest thing that could ever happens to anyone , but not everyone could have this kind of luck . Especially me . But I always find it sweet when my friend have a crush on someone and that guy have a crush on her too . And when that happens , it seems like I'm watching a Love series drama in real life . Sweet and beautiful . 

Then again , to me , love movies / love dramas / love stories are all just fantasy , it would never happens in real life like how it is in drama / movies / stories . But then , life is actually like movies , the film start rolling when we're born , and end when we died . This is our life , this is our movie , so live your life to the fullest , never give up on what you really wish for . And when the film is about to end, smile while the rest are crying . And make sure , that your life is perfect , at least in your eyes . 

Hey :) 

So I have deleted most of my old posts as I thought that I would want to make my blog more "clean" . 

Alright so let's get straight to the main point , firstly , my friend weiting got short listed for CNOS ( cineleisure next online sensation ) ^^ I'm so proud of her ! She's actually doubt herself at the start before sending in her entry so I told her that "never try , never know right ?" So she finally send in her entry and TADAH now she's a contestant ( I don't know how to spell this OMG don't blame me IF I SPELL IT WRONG ) . Support her okay XD 

Okay this is short but let's just end this here ahaha . My life is too boring .  

So I went to get contact lens few weeks ago and the first time I tried it , I took around 1 hr + and when I finally put it in , it hurt like shit . Yeah it hurts a lot for me ! But after wearing it a few times , it don't anymore . 

So I went out with LeYi last Friday , and we actually walked around underground scape and guessed what ? I saw a shop was having sales and you know me , I can't resist sales ! So I went to take a look and I found a brown , crop , leather , jacket for just $10 ! Yes your eyes isn't cheating on you ! Just $10 ! 

And for me I cannot resist the price and just bought it ! I know in Singapore the weather is so hot where got time to wear leather jacket right ? But hey you can never get a brand new leather jacket for freaking $10 okay ! And since there's a really nice graffiti wall at scape skatepark , I went there to took photos ! And I actually got the snapback ( the logo remind me of 5SOS and as a 5SOS fam it's impossible for me not to get it . I'm a Michael girl btw ) and the snapbacks cost around $15.90 ! 

Do not judge my body figure . 

And on Sunday , I went to MBS then scape with weiting and lining ! I wasn't in a good mood that day so I was kind of giving attitude to both of them I'm so sorry 😅 

With lining :3 

And the prettiest one in my clique , weiting ! Oh and she's considering on joining the CNOS ( cinelesisure next online sensation ) ! Wish her luck alright ? <3 

Okay now thanks for reading bye ! 

Let me end this with the weirdest photo of mine . 

"Fuck society idea of beauty"

"Fuck society's idea of beauty" is something I kind of live by , but a problem is that I actually have low self esteem . 

And no it's not because of the society , but because of myself . Everyone have their own personal views on how a person should look like and it would be consider beautiful . Although we always says that looks doesn't matter , it's the personality that counts . But in the end looks still counts isn't it ? No one is able to know which girl or boy is the good one and which one is the bad one , we judge them by their looks , or somehow like first impression . Many would tell me that I'm pretty enough , but honestly I feel that I'm the ugliest on earth , I would often look in the mirror with my naked face and be like , why do I have so many pimples . Why am I so fat .. Having low self esteem really sucks a lot . I wish I could be more confident in my looks . 

And this slowly leads down to me being really anti social and distance myself from everyone . It's like everyone is so pretty , who would want to be friends with someone so ugly like me ? And even if they did , I'm sure they're gonna leave . What's the point of getting close to someone , opening up to them and only thing in return , is they turning their back to you and pretend that both of you wasn't friends at all in the first place ? But I'm really glad that I have friends that's still with me after so long 

Other then looks , there's body figure . And again , my body figure is not up to my personal expectation too . Working hard to get the figure I desire is what I'm doing now , I just hope the hard work would pay off soon. 

You know I'm really jealous of those who doesn't have low self esteem and is able to just be confident and bah bah bah , but for me it's impossible . I don't even know how some could be able to hold a mic and speak to a really big crowd . If it's for me I would most probably cry . 

And just so you know , you're beautiful , even with those scars covering up your arms and thighs , even if those burn mark on your skin , and when with those pimples . You're beautiful just the way you are . I may have a horrible low self esteem , but I don't wish anyone else to feel like this too . 

Just remember , if you want others to love you , first you have to learn to love yourself . At least try your best to love yourself . Everyone have their own imperfection , insecurities , flaws and everything , but that's what make us unique . We're all one of a kind , if everyone look the same , wouldn't it be boring ? I know I'm not qualify ( I'm not sure if I spell it right ) to actually say this but yeah please get what I said to your head . 

And you may think you need a perfect guy to make your life perfect , actually you don't . What you need is someone who's able to accept your flaws , insecurities , scars just everything . Seen you without make up , sees you with all your insecurities and still kiss you on the forehead and tell you that you're beautiful

 . Don't find a perfect guy , instead find a normal guy who will make your life perfect . 

Thanks for reading :)