Mask

Everyone had a past they wouldn't wish to talk about, think about or let anyone make a joke out of.

And here come trust. Once you get someone to trust you enough, you would slowly see what kind of person he or she is under the mask. Which all of us called it, "protection".

But some people is either brainless/heartless or just some part of their brain is loose and they don't realize when someone say "okay stop it"/"enough" or when their smile turns into a frown they should shut the fuck up. This is when anything you're saying isn't funny anymore and it's getting really hurtful and offensive. Everyone had a awful past and if someone opens up to you when you ask them is when they thought you're trustable or they wish to somehow become closer to you, not to let you make a joke out of. Just because the person aren't crying doesn't means you're not hurting them. You never know how a "joke" can make someone actually kill themselves. Some joke you think is funny doesn't means it is to everyone.

And hence, it will make the person who is hurt even more impossible to open up to others and remove his/her mask. Everyone had a mask they're secretly wearing. I'm not talking about a mask we all could see with naked eyes, if you see someone going out in a mask is either they're going for a party/got dared by his/her friends to do it/ he's or she's a killer (if it's the third option please run for your life and don't stay there feeling amuse that you actually saw a killer which act like one you saw in the horror movies, but if you do that then you deserve it. Who tell you never run?) I'm talking about the mask which isn't able to see. A happy mask/angry mask/ emotionless mask etc.
I had past which I hope to erase it all, but I know it's impossible. Everyone makes mistake so don't expect someone to be perfect. It's impossible and it's too stressful. Imagine being someone who is perfect and how everyone around you says things like "I'm sure you can do it in your first try, you're the perfect one" "he/she wouldn't need any help, he/she is like the genius of all genius" "you got just 99/100?! Shouldn't you get 100 instead? What happened to you?!" "You're joking right? You don't know how to do this?" I'm sure sooner or later all these would drive you into depression and suicide.

Oh and I just want to say, to anyone I don't care who you are, it's really annoying to ship me with any guys and I know I should had a boyfriend at my age but really I don't care and I like being single. Everyone around me is literally trying to pair me up with every single guy they met or if a guy actually come talks to me I get ship with him. It's really annoying . If a girl or guy is force to get into a relationship with someone, their relationship would never have love and it would only have responsibilities and hates.  No relationship should be like that. I choose when I want to had a boyfriend and I choose the one i want to live the rest of my life with. Just because I reject a guy and I'm a fangirl doesn't naturally means I had high standards.  I mean yeah fangirls do have high standard but that doesn't means I would use it to choose who I want to date. Some part of my idols is really what I want my boyfriend to have but not all. And let me just show a part where my idols and my future  boyfriend would have in common , sporty.

No one likes being forced to do things, and everyone had a mask to protect themselves from the society. But at the same time it's ironic how we says how fucked up society is but we're the society. Judging others is the reason for how messed up this society had become. I had no idea how models became so skinny they look like they only had skin and bones , when does looks actually become more important then personalities, since when people make a joke out of someone horrible past, since when humans become judgemental and always had somethings to say no matter how nice a person is.

I'm getting tired easily recently but at the same time insomnia is killing me. And that's why here I am at 12 midnight writing this post which would most probably make someone feel offended but just a fact , I'm not pinpointing to anyone in my post, but if you insist and the shoe fits, feel free to wear it and walk around in it.

I really wish one day everyone would be able to remove their mask and not care about how people thinks about them. But wishing to become someone more prettier isn't a crime and I'm fine with it if you think becoming prettier make you more confidence in yourself. But if you're doing it to impress, who exactly are you trying to impress anyway? Your boy/girlfriend ? If they can't accept who you are then leave them. You deserve better. Your idol? Let me just say, what happen in fanfic/scenarios/smut and one shots stories stays there. It would never happens in reality. Your parents? They love you. Enough says.

Maybe in a few more years time I would get double eyelid surgery. I know how the surgery goes and I know it would be painful. but I truly thinks that I can feel more confidence in myself if I had double eyelid and I had always wanted to do the double eyelid surgery since the age of 14. Just look at how determines I am to want something for some many years and I had never changed any part of my face to do surgery on. I'm happy with how I look except for my eyes.

I got to go now, thanks for reading and take care!