Being a admin is hard , but fun at the same time

I started being a admin of Haonation from July 11 2013 , yes I still remember it . Before that day , which is July 10 , Jianhao DM-ed me and said that he had read the book ( I wrote like 5 pages OMG ) and he told me that I should stop being negative , I was feeling upset at that times and I just smile . 

And few hours later , he DM-ed me again , asking me if I would like to be a admin of Haonation if there's spot available . And I replied yes , not because I wanted to have attention , I just think that it would be nice to work with Kimmie and Christina to help Jianhao , to make Jianhao really well known , until the point where no one would ask "Jianhao ? Who's that ?" I remembered that's one time where I went to meet jianhao for some reason , and a group of girls came to take photo with Ridhwan , but when Ridhwan ask whether they wanted a photo with Jianhao too , they just turned to him and like "who's that" . 

So I whatsapped Kimmie and tells her about it , but what I didn't expected was her telling me that she's giving up her spot and giving it to me . I was lost at that part , I kept telling her not to , but I failed . She had her reasons , and I was really sad . She was the best admin to me , and Mavis too of course . 

And at the start , I get tons and tons of hates from some Haonation as they prefer Kimmie to be the admin , and not me . I'm really glad that the hating have stop coming , only that sometimes I would still get it . But I was really grateful that almost all of the Haonation is willing to let me try . I might reply to haters rudely , having a attitude to them like "fuck you haters" but actually it does affect me a lot , it affected me so hard that I actually tells Jianhao that I'm sorry I wasn't doing a good job , and he actually cheers me up , give me tips on how to be better . I'm really really insecure , and that's why when I see that he tells me that "I'm not disappointing him" and he even said that he thinks I'm doing a good job . And that's really enough . 

At the first few months ,  he would randomly tells me that "I'm doing a good job" , "I'm the best admin" I think it's because he knows how insecure I am ? Haha , and that always make me smile . Nothing feel better then this , trust me . 

And I was really afraid of crowds , when Jianhao tells me to handle the crowds on his flea my mind just went "FUCK" . But I still tried my best to , I nearly fainted at the flea , it's normal when I get too nervous . And trust me , whenever I see Jianhao get mobbed I would get really pissed , he can't stands heat . What if Jianhao get hurts ? I don't mind not having a photo with him , my last photo with him was like last year . But just don't mob him . Please . 

If you had ever hang out with me , or you are my friends you would have hear me say how awesome Jianhao is , all the memories I had with him and how much I love him . 

The best memory I had with him was on the 1D movie event thingy . I promised Peggy that I would go with her even though i wasn't a Directioner. And she was late . I am really afraid of crowds and I get freaked out , I was wondering why isn't Peggy here yet , I got so afraid that I'm gonna cry at that time , and to my surprise , Jianhao came in . He saw me alone and smiled . He walked over and sit right infront of me asking me what's wrong . I told him and Ridhwan actually came too , both of them get Starbucks and sit down with me , even though we didn't talk much , I'm happy enough . 

I has thoughts of giving up , I had cried thinking that why am I not good enough . Stressed up when there's event , when I whatsapp about 20 or 30 + haonations and most of the times about half would throw questions to me at the same times , and trust me , I actually didn't asked Jianhao for permission to do imagines whoops . But end up , he asked me to do more AHAHAHA . 

It's been almost a year . Times really fly , I still remember that moment where I would freak out , not knowing what to do . 

I'm proud to says that I'm a Haonation , and a admin of haonation too , I'm proud of how much Jianhao had grow in just a short while . I won't give up unless Jianhao found someone better to be his admin , and at that times , I know I would cry , I would miss being his admin , so now , I would treasure it :) . 

And I'm really happy to know many friends from Haonation , people like my clique "pigtowners" , Yingling , Melissa , Raihanah ( she's the admin of Aden fanclub btw ) , Kimmie , Christina !

I don't have a photo of Jianhao I could post so here's my selfie AHAHAHAA 

And lastly , I love Jianhao , he will and always will be my first bias . 

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